I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I understand Curling. That high.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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