filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
