Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
