im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How does one acquire holy water?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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