If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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