i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
