I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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