apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i came on her dog
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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