i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
