Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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