i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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