You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
