I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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