i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
