the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
that is very illegal...i love you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
