Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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