every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She's the barista slut.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
