The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
