I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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