sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
