They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i've created a new STD.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
