remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm at about main and main street
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
