he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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