We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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