I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
