your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
