Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
