I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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