The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
