im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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