How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
