My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
