Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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