Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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