Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He better not be in your backpack
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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