i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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