smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
