he wants to bone in the snuggie
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
