Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
