i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
