She announced her abortion via fbk
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
