Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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