he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
