I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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