mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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