I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
