that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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