if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize