i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
