Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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