The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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