I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
