Soap is not a condiment
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize