3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
