i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
