Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
