Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize