She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
