Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
