We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
