"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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