He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
