yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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