walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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