all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
