it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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