I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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