Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh god it's open bar.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
